Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
