where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The best revenge is premature balding
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
