my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize