So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
