Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
