i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
