I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is Oprah even human
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
