Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
