dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
