the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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