I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
