He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
