She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
