I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
