That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
