Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
