Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
