And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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