he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
