Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
