I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
