chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize