I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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