Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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