Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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