I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
