paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
