The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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