I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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