I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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