if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
