it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
