is your mom at the bar?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
