In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
