i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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