Pregnant stripper...not hot.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
