Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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