I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
