I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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