She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
