About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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