before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am midnight drunk by noon
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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