Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
