I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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