I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
