saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So much rum. So many feels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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