Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
