Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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