quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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