I just cut my nipple shaving
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
