Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
