We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
