Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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