24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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