i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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