Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
