dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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