wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
