So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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