so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
