so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
